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| Our Heart's Home in the Hill Country |
This week was the beginning of a new season for our family.
Not just summer, but summer with me – Momma; Mommy; MOM (said in the 5th
time they’ve called for me voice).
Over the last year we have watched our children change. ALOT.
They change every year of course, but these past 12 months have been different.
It was our first year of female preteen years. Oh the joy! This year things
started to matter. For both of them (8 and 10). The pressures of standardized
testing, and performing. Our daughter was no longer completely comfortable
telling people she is dyslexic. This year it became a source of frustration,
and embarrassment. Our son compared himself to every other student in his class
and the pressure was silently destroying him.
There were new revelations, new experiences, new topics of
conversation, new sources of stress (for all of us), new questions, new
attitudes, new emotions. Many weighty things reared their head. Some we slayed.
Some we just started swinging at, and failed; learned from it, and tried again.
Some things we were prepared for and we thank God for those moments! But most
of the time, my husband and I stared at each other blankly, not knowing how to
respond, or handle these issues at “such a young age.”
Week after week I told myself, or wrote in my journal, “I
need more time with them.” The window is closing on our time, where they will
openly listen to us. Where we can get our foot in the door with them on certain
stances. Where they look to us for answers, and not just consult us for our
opinion, if they ask at all. I need more time to strengthen my position as MOM
in their eyes. For a long time they saw mom was super busy, super tired, and
super impatient and short-tempered at the end of the day. (Honesty). She helps
people, but when does she help US?
So, I began praying many months ago, and seeking the Lord’s
direction. And bit by bit I received confirmation, and direction, to make a drastic
change that would give me the time, and allow me the energy to pour into these
two beautiful souls God has so graciously gifted me with.
I made the very difficult and heart wrenching decision to
leave my ‘job’ at Buckner to work from home. I say ‘job’ because it was ministry.
When I started working at Buckner nearly three years ago, I couldn’t believe I
was getting to do ministry and it be my job. My experiences there, and the
relationships I made with so many, are so invaluable. I’ll never be the same. I
was stretched, and grew so much, and for that I am so thankful.
But, every night I was reminded that there was a clock
ticking on the time I have with ‘my gifts’. And I needed to do something to be
more PRESENT in their lives.
So, as of last week I began a new chapter, and as of this
past Monday, we started our new normal.
What a ride already! I’ve started a list of things that I’ve witnessed
and experienced already, that I’m not sure I would have, if we hadn’t made a
change. Confirmation. Thank you Lord.
