Giving Up Comfort to Live in Desperation - Something To Think About

When you've got nothing left to hold onto...that's when love comes down. 

~ Kerrie Roberts

What would life look like if we didn't try so hard to be comfortable and 'happy' and secure?  

At first thought, why would we want to not feel comfortable, happy and secure?  

Those things feel good.  They're like a warm blanket on a cold night.  They're like a hug that holds you together from completely going to pieces.
  

What if our outlook on these things was that:

·         they only come from an intimate relationship with God,

·         and living through, and like Christ;

·         and that instead of constantly trying to find comfort/happiness/security in worldly things, we left room for desperation?  

Desperation for Him.  A NEED for Him. 

I interviewed a Reverend recently who spoke of the faith of someone without.  A homeless person.  They are in constant desperation for a place to sleep, food, clothing - basic needs, and they rely on God to provide these things every hour of every day.  Need.

That's a foreign concept to many of us.
  

SAYING you can only have comfort and security and peace through Christ and depending on God for everything is one thing, living it is another.  Really.  It is.  I am tired of knowing these answers, and not what they LOOK LIKE IN LIFE.  

This life offers too many other things to fleetingly fill those needs.  

Why did it take me so long to realize this?  I'm likely at least halfway through my life, if not further along, and many characteristics and habits and ways of doing life are deeply rooted.

So, now it's a battle.  A daily battle against everything inside of me, against my heart, against my mind, and against what my flesh wants to do and say and think and feel.  It's like quitting an addiction.  There's nothing we can do to quit.  Other than die to ourselves every day.  

People say that a lot.  I need to die to myself every day.  But what does that look like?  What does that entail?  That's another post. 

What if we are supposed to be living in uncomfortableness?  

When I am banging on God's door, begging Him to help me, begging Him to hold me, to protect me, to lift me out of a pit – when I am in need of Him and I draw very closely to Him – I am not comfortable.  I am desperate.  

So what am I doing in between?  What makes life seem good/okay in between?  Whatever it is – life piped full of fluffy false comforts – it makes life's promised tragedies, trials, and tribulations hurt so much more.  

But what if we lived in uncomfortableness?  

How can I stay in need of Him?  Desperate for Him?  

I know that I cannot right now.  I have a full-time job, two freelance writing jobs (what I love), healthy family (praise God), married to a wonderful man, two beautiful, smart kids; great church, wonderful and transparent Life Group and friends, car that's paid for, roof over our heads, food on the table...where is the desperation in that?!?!?!?  

Questions:  What's wrong with that?  Isn't it okay to be blessed?  But again, where's the desperation?  

In Romans Chapter 11 it speaks about Our blessings and bounty becoming a snare, a trap, a stumbling block and retribution.  

But do we stumble beyond recovery?  No. 

Maybe others don't need desperation to walk hand-in-hand, but I do! 

And so, is it crazy to contemplate giving up things that give us security to make room for desperation?   

And, how do we teach this to our children now, without instilling fear and sadness?   


Feedback solicited.  

This ache, this longing, this heart that I've been searching, this moment while I'm praying, show me.  You're plan, your promise, a pain that has a purpose, I let you in to use it; just like your hands built heavens arms, you're making me so beautiful.  ~ Kerrie Roberts

Romans 11:7-10

New Living Translation (NLT)

 ⁷ So this is the situation: Most of the people of Israel have not found the favor of God they are looking for so earnestly. A few have—the ones God has chosen—but the hearts of the rest were hardened. ⁸ As the Scriptures say,

   “God has put them into a deep sleep.
   To this day he has shut their eyes so they do not see,
      and closed their ears so they do not hear.”^[a]

 ⁹ Likewise, David said,

   “Let their bountiful table become a snare,
      a trap that makes them think all is well.
   Let their blessings cause them to stumble,
      and let them get what they deserve.
 ¹⁰ Let their eyes go blind so they cannot see,
      and let their backs be bent forever.”^[b]

Peace on Earth

This past Sunday, an interesting lesson was shared.  Our Sunday School (SS), aka Life Group, teacher threw out the idea of Peace on Earth.  What does that mean, he questioned.

You see it on Christmas cards, you hear people talk about it, but have you ever really thought about what Peace on Earth would literally look like, and/or mean?

Interesting. 

We looked at three versus.

1) Luke 2:8-14
2) Isaiah 9:6-7
3) Luke 12:49-51

1) Luke 2:8-14 (New International Version, ©2010)

 ⁸ And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. ⁹ An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. ¹⁰ But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. ¹¹ Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. ¹² This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
 ¹³ Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
 ¹⁴ “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

2) Isaiah 9:6-7 (New International Version, ©2010)

⁶ For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
⁷ Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David’s throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the LORD Almighty will accomplish this.

3) Luke 12:49-51 (New International Version, ©2010) 
Not Peace but Division - this is Jesus speaking
    ⁴⁹ “I have come to bring fire on the earth, and how I wish it were already kindled! ⁵⁰ But I have a baptism to undergo, and what constraint I am under until it is completed! ⁵¹ Do you think I came to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, but division.

If you're like me, and some others in our class, reading the first two versus was kind of like, yada yada yada, yes, Christ was born and there was peace on earth - we've heard it a hundred times.  But the third verse was like a record screeching to a halt.  (Wish I could type that sound).  Also, in no way am I saying the birth of Christ was old news, just that we've heard those versus so many times, we naturally do the 'peace on earth, good will to men' out of habit.


If you look more closely:
Verse 1: Christ was born, the angels said do not fear, there will be peace on earth to whom his favor rests.
Verse 2: Foreshadows Christ's birth; there will be no end to HIS peace
Verse 3: Jesus says "you think I came to GRANT peace on earth? No, rather division."


SO, what in the world was Jesus talking about in the third verse???

When there isn't peace in your life, that typically means you aren't willing to surrender.  It's a struggle and a conflict to surrender things you may be dealing with.  Things you want to handle on your own.  And it will always be a struggle, because we're human.  Also, when we do start having a good, close relationship with God, beware of pride coming in to trip you. 

David, our teacher, said to think about all of the peace treaties in world history.  He asked if we could think of one, where one side did not surrender in some way.  There was only one - the peace treaty between North and South Korea.  No one actually surrendered, thus there being no actual peace between the two today.

If you want peace in your life, you must continually surrender, every day.  And for those uncomfortable with the term 'surrender' - don't look at it as a power struggle.  Look at surrendering things as a relief.  There are very stressful, consuming situations in my life, that I breathe a sigh of relief over, when I surrender them over to God to handle.  It's lightening.  

So, mabye what Jesus was saying in the 3rd verse was that achieving individual peace, would cause division.  It may cause conflict internally for you, and it may cause division with our culture, or a group of people, or other circles and relationships in your life.  

So when you hear Peace on Earth, instead of thinking how nice that sounds, and how wonderful that would be, look inward and see where you can make room to receive the peace Christ can give you.

Disclaimer: I do not claim these thoughts to be my own entirely.  Most borrowed from said SS lesson.  Attributed to David Ummel.  

What a Weekend!

God is good.  I have had the best last four days, and I feel really blessed.  Philip is out of town, and while that does not have anything to do with me having such an outstanding weekend, I have to mention it, because usually when he's out of town things are really crazy, and by that I mean - I'm really crazy.  It's typically me and the kids and eventually them driving me crazy.  Anway, I have had a wonderful last few days and wanted to share.

Thursday, Christi stopped by for a quick visit, which was really nice, because we haven't seen each other in forever, and it was wonderful to visit and get a hug.  That evening Gin, Holly, Candy and I shared coffee (or warm milk for some) and many, many laughs, which always turn into tears from laughing so ridiculously hard.  I treasure our time together.  It's so good and to be able to catch up even if for just a few hours and have a good laugh or two. 

Friday evening my parents graciously obliged to keep the kids while I went to a baby shower for a friend from church.  It was a couples shower and the kids were welcome to come, but it was nice to go and visit, and catch up with everyone from our Life Group class.  After the shower I headed out to Tennisonville for MORE girl time.  We had SO much fun visiting, swapping stories, laughing, laughing, and laughing some more until 4:30 Saturday morning!  I haven't stayed up that late in a very long time, and while I was a wee bit tired the next day, it was so worth it.  My heart and soul had been restored with time spent with some of the females in my life, and I am very grateful to my parents for keeping the precious urchins, and to God for good friends.

Saturday I took the kids to see the new Shrek after running errands, and while there were parts that were certainly more geared towards adults it was pretty cute and they had a good time. We had a pretty good, fairly lazy rest of the day - doing some coloring and painting and watching a few cartoons.

And finally, today.  I went to a new Parenting study for Life Group this morning, which will last 6-weeks, and really enjoyed it.  I'll keep you posted on what I learn.  And, I have to say, this morning's worship service was one of the best I've been to in a long time.  For many reasons.  We've combined our two services into one for the time being, and so they've blended the worship between traditional hymns and contemporary songs, and I loved it.  The church was the fullest I've seen it in a long time, and it felt like such a family.  and when everyone was singing, it was so loud and filled up that big sanctuary like it used to when I was kid.  It was kind of emotional for me for several reasons.  It was just a good, raw, nostalgic, yet new, sort of thing.  The sermon revealed a parabale in Luke in new light and was really thought provoking. 

We also had a wonderful Father's Day lunch with my dad.  The kids called P this morning on speaker (as Dylan requested).  They yelled Happy Father's Day! We miss you, and proceeded to give him play by plays of what we were doing - donut shop, so and so's licking me, etc.  I'm sure P enjoyed it.   

So a few things...if you haven't been blessed with some girl time - whether coffee with one friend, or a semi-sleepover with several, or even a good phone conversation - DO IT!  Pick up the phone or make some plans, because you will be blessed!!!!

And if you don't have a church home in Longview - come join us one Sunday.  I really think people will enjoy the blended worship - a little bit of traditional with a litlte bit of contemporary seemed like just the right thing this morning!  www.fbcl.org

Well, this is one of the posts where at the end, I think to myself, "Why does anyone care what I did this weekend?"  But maybe writing about what's important to me, and mundane to others, will at leaset keep me in the habit of posting.  We'll see.  Peace and love.

“Success” and Not Living a Wasted Life.

I can’t believe it’s been roughly 240 days since I last posted.   

Maybe I’ll do better. 

Maybe before today, I would have felt successful for posting.  I would have felt accomplished, breathing a proud sigh at the click of POST IT!  Way to go Ash, you did it!  You did something successful today. 

But in reality – in God’s eyes – there were only a handful of things, I may have done “successfully.”

A reoccurring theme came at me today – a culmination of what success is and what a “worthy” life-lived isn’t.

How do you define success?

Think about it for a minute.  I think success is ______________________________________. 

Success is typically defined by monetary means, social status, good jobs, and outward appearances. 

In order for me to feel successful, I typically need someone else to think I’m successful, and tell me so. Pats on the back, and words of appreciation are fuel to my fire. 

An elatingly satisfactory day for me would normally end with my list looking like Dylan took a pen to it.  To-dos crossed off left and right, with only a few, or no, items circled and left to be done.  Kids happy, fed, and tired.  And, if anyone or anything was clean by close of business?  Well, that would call for a celebration. 

The point brought to my attention (first, through a study by Coach Tony Dungy), was success is usually defined by what others think.  Not God.  And it’s easy to think that way, because we SEE others much more easily.  We hear, feel, notice, others much more often.  But if we held ourselves to God’s definition, or idea, of success – life would be so much more enjoyable.  Less worry, less anxiety, less stress, less greed, less wasted time.  More one-on-one.

Instead of trying to please so many others, or appear successful to all of our co-workers, bosses, friends, and family – you only have to be successful in one person’s eyes.  What a relief.  Really.

It’s tough though.  We’re all programmed to think completely opposite of this.  It’s innate. 

Worldnetweb defines success as an event that accomplishes its intended purpose; an attainment; a state of prosperity or fame, an achiever.

But, what is it that we are achieving?  Just something to think about.  

My second aha moment came from a simple, yet profound message, entitled “Don’t Waste Your Life.”

The story basis (Philippians 3:1-14) was about Paul who was basically saying, I have a really great life.  No one can top what I’ve had going on.  Yet all of it before I knew Christ is a waste.  It all equals zero.

Our youth minister listed “Treasures of a Wasted Life” as:

• Family Heritage,
• Social Status,
• Biblical Knowledge,
• Religious Activity,
• A moral/righteous lifestyle.

These are all good things, right? 

This isn’t your typical list of day-filling, life-consuming things that we usually look back on and think, that was a waste of time.

Yet, they can still keep you from a relationship with Christ.  They can still be put above your relationship with Him.

And thirdly today, as we took a scenic drive to Henderson to look at some RV’s, which turned out to be old FEMA trailers, one of my favorite songs blared words I’m always blessed to hear and be reminded of.  It just seemed to hit home the whole “success” and life worth living message that rang in my ears all day.  It’s Nelly Furtado’s Forca.  The chorus lyrics translate into “Come with a force, come with a force, come with a force that can’t be stopped, come with a force that will never die.

It is the passion flowing right on through your veins
And it's the feeling that you're oh so glad you came
It is the moment you remember you're alive
It is the air you breathe, the element, the fire
It is that flower that you took the time to smell
It is the power that you know you got as well
It is the fear inside that you can overcome
This is the orchestra, the rhythm and the drum
Com uma força, com uma força
Com uma força que ninguem pode parar
Com uma força, com uma força
Com uma fome que ninguem pode matar
It is the soundtrack of your ever-flowing life
It is the wind beneath your feet that makes you fly
It is the beautiful game that you choose to play
When you step out into the world to start your day
You show your face and take it in and scream and pray
You're gonna win it for yourself and us today
It is the gold, the green, the yellow and the grey
The red and sweat and tears, the love you go. Hey!
Com uma força, com uma força
Com uma força que ninguem pode parar
Com uma força, com uma força
Com uma fome que ninguem pode matar
força, força, força, força, força
Closer to the sky, closer, way up high, mais perto do ceu, mais perto do ceu
Com uma força, com uma força
Com uma força que ninguem pode parar
Com uma força, com uma força
Com uma fome que ninguem pode matar

come on

Beautifully Breakable

Breakable
Written by Ingrid Michaelson

Have you ever thought about what protects our hearts?
Just a cage of rib bones and other various parts
So it's fairly simple to cut right through the mess,
And to stop the muscle that makes us confess
And we are so fragile,
And our cracking bones make noise,
And we are just,
Breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys

And you fasten my seat belt because it is the law
In your two ton death trap I finally saw
A piece of love in your face that bathed me in regret
Then you drove me to places I'll never forget

And we are so fragile,
And our cracking bones make noise,
And we are just,
Breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys

When Life Tumbles In, What Then?

Periods of wearing blinders, and walking through dark days, and days of wearing chains - all while the recycle bin for the blinders, and the light switch, and the keys were right there next to me, is plain self-inflicted pride and woe is me, in hindsight.

Why does that pit always feel so self-deserving? And am I the only one who falls into it so very often?

I think the Lord has been waiting for me to get to empty. To get near dehydration, before He really laid a message on me. And He surely did Sunday.

Sunday morning I was on the edge of the pew; the message we received, had me covering the sermon notes sheet in black ink and fumbling for my journal for more space to record his every word. I desperately wanted to remember every bit of it. It spurred questions. I wanted to raise my hand, from the fifth row from the back and ask, "Can we talk about that a little more?" Can you explain? "

In 1927 Scottish preacher, Rev. Arthur John Gossip, lost his wife of 30 years unexpectedly. All eyes turned to him the following Sunday to see how he would handle this ultimate tragedy.

Gossip preached:

"I do not understand this life of ours. But still less can I comprehend how people in trouble and loss and bereavement can fling away peevishly from the Christian faith. In God's name, fling to what? Have we not lost enough without losing that too?"

"'I don't think you need to be afraid of life. Our hearts are very frail, and there are places where the road is very steep and very lonely, but we have a wonderful God. And, as Paul puts it, "What can separate us from his love? Not death," he writes immediately. No, not death, for standing in the roaring of the Jordan, cold with its dreadful chill and very conscious of the terror of its rushing, I, too, like Hopeful in Pilgrim's Progress, can call back to you who one day in your turn will have to cross it, "Be of good cheer, my brother, my sister, for I feel the bottom and it is sound."'

"You people in the sunshine *may* believe the faith, but we in the shadows *must* believe it. We have nothing else!"

Our pastor used these references to begin his sermon this past Sunday, and then posed these questions - Why do bad things happen to good people? Will a person continue to love God when something terrible happens?

We looked at Job - a man who had it all. He was righteous (blameless, upright, feared God, turned from evil); wealthy (children, livestock, servents); and religious.

Then enters satan. Satan tells God he's been in and all over the Earth. And the Lord suggests Job to him. My questions began - why would he suggest anyone to him?

Pastor Tim went on to say the Lord suggested Job BECAUSE OF his righteousness. I'm still thinking, but WHY? He's a good guy; one of the best; why is God throwing Job out there like that?

So satan goes after Job, and every ultimate misfortune happens to him within minutes. Literally. Livestock gone. Servants murdered. Fire of destruction. All ten children - killed. Nothing left, but Job. satan struck in a moment of great happiness.

Yet Job falls to his knees and face and...worships God. Blesses the name of the Lord. Wow.

He says - Naked I came, and naked I will go. The Lord gave and Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

How? Job is so in tune with God.

He fully understands that God is the ultimate source of all that you have - your job, your home, your friends, your family, your food, your everything. And it can all be taken away. This is not a threat though.

If you get that; and you believe that; and you have to believe it every day if you're like me. Like, wake up and say to yourself type of thing - thanking God for every single thing you have and knowing that it can all be taken away, then MAYBE it would be less painful when tragedy cuts. Because you would be grateful for the time you had. Still very difficult.

*I was blessed with another message Sunday night, from M. Chandler from two years ago (Luke Series) and I'll share some of his views and interpretations later, that fit in here as well*

But back to Sunday's sermon.

More questions posed:

If you turn from your faith and from God when tragedy strikes where will you run? Who and what are you going to turn to?

Will anyone serve God in their midnight; in devastation; in hurt, in anger, in the shadow of death?

God was good enough for you when you had your health, good fortune, and good family. Is God still good enough for you?

(I'm not preaching this to anyone but myself. Simply sharing. I fall many times, and don't lead, and don't deny myself the way I need to; I'm trying; but its a daily struggle; I just wanted to share the messages).

Also, we don't always know all of the circumstances surrounding a tragedy or loss, but God does.

"He is the ultimate source of all that you have. Your personal trials are not caused by fate or bad luck. They all relate to God's purpose for your life." (HARD). This is extremely hard, especially when you've lost someone,and you feel they were taken from you. Maybe God relieved that person. You just don't know.

And thoughts from Chandler:"I think...there are those of us, because of pain, because of sorrow, because of fear, we've become very indignant and we demand of God signs andwe demand of God objective evidences. And God is not a God of blind faith. Over andover again, He communicates His glory and He communicates His might and Hecommunicates His power. And what ends up happening in those dark nights of the soulis we want to forget all God has historically done for us and all the testimonies of othersthat we've seen Him come through in. We want to forget the testimony of the personthat's suffered and came to know Christ so deeply. In that moment, we forget. In themoment where it's our pain, where it's our frustration, where it's our fear, where we feelstagnant and wore out, we want to forget the testimony of the saints and we want toaccuse God of failing us. And in that moment, what we see from the story is that God's going to lovingly discipline you in that moment. In that moment, God's going to lovingly say, “Alright, I'll receive that, I'll hear you. But no man gets to stand in front of My throne room and shake his fist at Me. So We're going to break you down. We'll humble your heart. Very gently, because I love you, not with a baseball bat but with a scalpel, Iwant to show you that I'm God so I'm going to have to cut some things out here.” And it seems like the humble, the one who through tears says, “I don't understand. I'm trying to trust You. I'm trying to believe and I don't understand. I don't understand how this is getting me good. I don't understand how this is working my completion until the end. And I don't understand how to beat the sin in my life despite the fact that You've said I've got a way out. Show me the way out because I don't see it. Help me.” And then it seems from this little story, this little compare and contrast, that God honors the humble, that He draws near to them, that He speaks to them, that He even gives them explanations. Not always. There's a dozen other stories we could turn to where somebody's like, “What are You doing” and God's like, “I'll show you in fifteen years.” Or really His number isusually forty. Can I ask you just some questions? Because I think there are questions that we have to get to if we're going to make any sense of any of this. I'm speaking mainly tobelievers in here and those who have been introduced to Jesus by the Holy Spirit. Do you believe that He loves you? Because I think that's the question. Do you think He's vindictive and angry at you? Or do you think that He loves you? I think there's this real weird dualism that occurs in the heart of God when He presses us....I think most of us think He will love us and that's completely different than He does. And there's all this objective evidence that He does. He loves you enough to let you suffer right now. He loves you enough to let you go to a dark place where what's really inside of you gets churned up to the top. He loves you enough to let the Son of God, God in the flesh be slaughtered. He loves you enough to call you into Himself. Man, I could go on and on with objective evidences, but at the end, do you know that He loves you? And that in the end, that same Romans 8 passage says nothing can separate you from that, nothing, not sickness, not death, not persecution, not your own stumblings. But we see our sin as this reason for God to not have anything to do with us, and God sees our sin as this monumental opportunity to glorify His name in healing us from it. Do you believe that He loves you?...Because if we can rest there, we get to rest...even when someone we love dies, even when we're betrayed, even when our health disappears, even when marriage is difficult, even when a child goes astray, even when... The love of God is the most humbling force in the universe, not the wrath of God. The love of God."

Split-Face Block

The wall I slam into each time I need to ask her a question, and the concrete block I feel against my cheek, when I lean in to press mine against hers, rips me over and over.

I feel tied together by the functionality of life, and shattered when I stop to be alone and vulnerable.

I dread a little after 3 every other day of the work week, when my children run to peer into the glass door of our office, to see an empty chair.

I am so thankful for God's plan.

Yet this intricately, intense storm is going to traverse much land before it dissipates.