Periods of wearing blinders, and walking through dark days, and days of wearing chains - all while the recycle bin for the blinders, and the light switch, and the keys were right there next to me, is plain self-inflicted pride and woe is me, in hindsight.
Why does that pit always feel so self-deserving? And am I the only one who falls into it so very often?
I think the Lord has been waiting for me to get to empty. To get near dehydration, before He really laid a message on me. And He surely did Sunday.
Sunday morning I was on the edge of the pew; the message we received, had me covering the sermon notes sheet in black ink and fumbling for my journal for more space to record his every word. I desperately wanted to remember every bit of it. It spurred questions. I wanted to raise my hand, from the fifth row from the back and ask, "Can we talk about that a little more?" Can you explain? "
In 1927 Scottish preacher, Rev. Arthur John Gossip, lost his wife of 30 years unexpectedly. All eyes turned to him the following Sunday to see how he would handle this ultimate tragedy.
Gossip preached:
"I do not understand this life of ours. But still less can I comprehend how people in trouble and loss and bereavement can fling away peevishly from the Christian faith. In God's name, fling to what? Have we not lost enough without losing that too?"
"'I don't think you need to be afraid of life. Our hearts are very frail, and there are places where the road is very steep and very lonely, but we have a wonderful God. And, as Paul puts it, "What can separate us from his love? Not death," he writes immediately. No, not death, for standing in the roaring of the Jordan, cold with its dreadful chill and very conscious of the terror of its rushing, I, too, like Hopeful in Pilgrim's Progress, can call back to you who one day in your turn will have to cross it, "Be of good cheer, my brother, my sister, for I feel the bottom and it is sound."'
"You people in the sunshine *may* believe the faith, but we in the shadows *must* believe it. We have nothing else!"
Our pastor used these references to begin his sermon this past Sunday, and then posed these questions - Why do bad things happen to good people? Will a person continue to love God when something terrible happens?
We looked at Job - a man who had it all. He was righteous (blameless, upright, feared God, turned from evil); wealthy (children, livestock, servents); and religious.
Then enters satan. Satan tells God he's been in and all over the Earth. And the Lord suggests Job to him. My questions began - why would he suggest anyone to him?
Pastor Tim went on to say the Lord suggested Job BECAUSE OF his righteousness. I'm still thinking, but WHY? He's a good guy; one of the best; why is God throwing Job out there like that?
So satan goes after Job, and every ultimate misfortune happens to him within minutes. Literally. Livestock gone. Servants murdered. Fire of destruction. All ten children - killed. Nothing left, but Job. satan struck in a moment of great happiness.
Yet Job falls to his knees and face and...worships God. Blesses the name of the Lord. Wow.
He says - Naked I came, and naked I will go. The Lord gave and Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.
How? Job is so in tune with God.
He fully understands that God is the ultimate source of all that you have - your job, your home, your friends, your family, your food, your everything. And it can all be taken away. This is not a threat though.
If you get that; and you believe that; and you have to believe it every day if you're like me. Like, wake up and say to yourself type of thing - thanking God for every single thing you have and knowing that it can all be taken away, then MAYBE it would be less painful when tragedy cuts. Because you would be grateful for the time you had. Still very difficult.
*I was blessed with another message Sunday night, from M. Chandler from two years ago (Luke Series) and I'll share some of his views and interpretations later, that fit in here as well*
But back to Sunday's sermon.
More questions posed:
If you turn from your faith and from God when tragedy strikes where will you run? Who and what are you going to turn to?
Will anyone serve God in their midnight; in devastation; in hurt, in anger, in the shadow of death?
God was good enough for you when you had your health, good fortune, and good family. Is God still good enough for you?
(I'm not preaching this to anyone but myself. Simply sharing. I fall many times, and don't lead, and don't deny myself the way I need to; I'm trying; but its a daily struggle; I just wanted to share the messages).
Also, we don't always know all of the circumstances surrounding a tragedy or loss, but God does.
"He is the ultimate source of all that you have. Your personal trials are not caused by fate or bad luck. They all relate to God's purpose for your life." (HARD). This is extremely hard, especially when you've lost someone,and you feel they were taken from you. Maybe God relieved that person. You just don't know.
And thoughts from Chandler:"I think...there are those of us, because of pain, because of sorrow, because of fear, we've become very indignant and we demand of God signs andwe demand of God objective evidences. And God is not a God of blind faith. Over andover again, He communicates His glory and He communicates His might and Hecommunicates His power. And what ends up happening in those dark nights of the soulis we want to forget all God has historically done for us and all the testimonies of othersthat we've seen Him come through in. We want to forget the testimony of the personthat's suffered and came to know Christ so deeply. In that moment, we forget. In themoment where it's our pain, where it's our frustration, where it's our fear, where we feelstagnant and wore out, we want to forget the testimony of the saints and we want toaccuse God of failing us. And in that moment, what we see from the story is that God's going to lovingly discipline you in that moment. In that moment, God's going to lovingly say, “Alright, I'll receive that, I'll hear you. But no man gets to stand in front of My throne room and shake his fist at Me. So We're going to break you down. We'll humble your heart. Very gently, because I love you, not with a baseball bat but with a scalpel, Iwant to show you that I'm God so I'm going to have to cut some things out here.” And it seems like the humble, the one who through tears says, “I don't understand. I'm trying to trust You. I'm trying to believe and I don't understand. I don't understand how this is getting me good. I don't understand how this is working my completion until the end. And I don't understand how to beat the sin in my life despite the fact that You've said I've got a way out. Show me the way out because I don't see it. Help me.” And then it seems from this little story, this little compare and contrast, that God honors the humble, that He draws near to them, that He speaks to them, that He even gives them explanations. Not always. There's a dozen other stories we could turn to where somebody's like, “What are You doing” and God's like, “I'll show you in fifteen years.” Or really His number isusually forty. Can I ask you just some questions? Because I think there are questions that we have to get to if we're going to make any sense of any of this. I'm speaking mainly tobelievers in here and those who have been introduced to Jesus by the Holy Spirit. Do you believe that He loves you? Because I think that's the question. Do you think He's vindictive and angry at you? Or do you think that He loves you? I think there's this real weird dualism that occurs in the heart of God when He presses us....I think most of us think He will love us and that's completely different than He does. And there's all this objective evidence that He does. He loves you enough to let you suffer right now. He loves you enough to let you go to a dark place where what's really inside of you gets churned up to the top. He loves you enough to let the Son of God, God in the flesh be slaughtered. He loves you enough to call you into Himself. Man, I could go on and on with objective evidences, but at the end, do you know that He loves you? And that in the end, that same Romans 8 passage says nothing can separate you from that, nothing, not sickness, not death, not persecution, not your own stumblings. But we see our sin as this reason for God to not have anything to do with us, and God sees our sin as this monumental opportunity to glorify His name in healing us from it. Do you believe that He loves you?...Because if we can rest there, we get to rest...even when someone we love dies, even when we're betrayed, even when our health disappears, even when marriage is difficult, even when a child goes astray, even when... The love of God is the most humbling force in the universe, not the wrath of God. The love of God."
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Split-Face Block
The wall I slam into each time I need to ask her a question, and the concrete block I feel against my cheek, when I lean in to press mine against hers, rips me over and over.
I feel tied together by the functionality of life, and shattered when I stop to be alone and vulnerable.
I dread a little after 3 every other day of the work week, when my children run to peer into the glass door of our office, to see an empty chair.
I am so thankful for God's plan.
Yet this intricately, intense storm is going to traverse much land before it dissipates.
I feel tied together by the functionality of life, and shattered when I stop to be alone and vulnerable.
I dread a little after 3 every other day of the work week, when my children run to peer into the glass door of our office, to see an empty chair.
I am so thankful for God's plan.
Yet this intricately, intense storm is going to traverse much land before it dissipates.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
The Light and the Beast
"And I can see a light that is coming, for the heart that holds on, a glorious light beyond all compare. And there will be an end to these troubles, but until that day comes, we'll live to know You here on the earth."
Light warms us. Light allows us to see; more clearly. Light will shine for those who are holding on and trusting; increasing their faith. It's okay if you have to ask for a refill of faith each morning. Just be sure to ask. It WILL make a difference in your day if you believe.
I like to think of the light as already being here and with us; and the light will only get brighter and brighter. But we'll need some self-denial to allow that light to really shine.
Self denial daily for me looks like this. Cold weather seeping in my windowsill and crawling down my head board, attempting to invade my warmth. I grip the layers of blankets tightly, as if I'm afraid someone's going to rip them back at any moment. Self denial (in a literary sense for me) means taking the initiative to push the covers back and go outside into the cold and kill a beast, first thing in the morning. It would be, and is, so much easier to lie there a bit longer, just long enough to be running late, and not have time to kill the beast. I'll kill the beast tomorrow.
I want the Light.
Light warms us. Light allows us to see; more clearly. Light will shine for those who are holding on and trusting; increasing their faith. It's okay if you have to ask for a refill of faith each morning. Just be sure to ask. It WILL make a difference in your day if you believe.
I like to think of the light as already being here and with us; and the light will only get brighter and brighter. But we'll need some self-denial to allow that light to really shine.
Self denial daily for me looks like this. Cold weather seeping in my windowsill and crawling down my head board, attempting to invade my warmth. I grip the layers of blankets tightly, as if I'm afraid someone's going to rip them back at any moment. Self denial (in a literary sense for me) means taking the initiative to push the covers back and go outside into the cold and kill a beast, first thing in the morning. It would be, and is, so much easier to lie there a bit longer, just long enough to be running late, and not have time to kill the beast. I'll kill the beast tomorrow.
I want the Light.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Heart Issues
Do you ever feel like you have so many thoughts and presently-processing knowledge, that you can't even stop to "unpack" (borrowed) them, because you have no idea where to start. It's like staring at a merry-go-round, or a revolving door, that's revolving at such a speed, you feel as if you can't get on, or in. You could, but you don't really want to. Then again, you do, but it would take a lot of effort. You don't have time. Just let it spin.
But if you don't take time to process, and "unpack," and regurgitate and release, then how will you grow and take the next step, and build on what's reeling inside of you?
You won't. At least, I don't think you will. I know so little, it's hard to tell.
Thoughts that you've been graced and blessed with from someone who's made themself available and dedicated their life to being a tool to reach others. Thoughts that are in turn generated from that shared knowledge. Thoughts that you glean from a book, and post-analysis afterthoughts. Thoughts that you heard on Sunday from additional dedicated life lines.
Sorting through these thoughts isn't technically my problem. I'm a note taker, and that allows me to go back and study the thoughts and meditate on them and conduct further research and add to the initial information. It's implementing them. It's taking that knowledge and those thoughts and actually implementing them. And then making that stick.
It's like studying for finals, and then forgetting most of what you studied and learned, not too long after. That's where practicing what you've learned comes in (light bulb).
Also, on a seemingly unrelated topic, though tightly intertwined to me, why has it, in my personal experience, taken me so long to even begin to understand God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. What my relationship is intended to be with them. Why I was created. What Jesus dying on the cross really meant, and means each day. And, I still don't completely understand it. I'm starting to. I'm starting to get it. But I'm 28 years old.
I feel like my eyes are opening to new light, but it's taking several years for them to open completely for various reasons. Does that make sense? Probably not. I feel like I'm finally standing inside a circle, but my back is up against a wall of it, and I haven't taken any steps yet, but I'm taking in everything I can and trying to process it.
Situation. I recently, within the last year or so, experienced some very incredible things. I felt closer to God, in relationship and understanding and communication, than I can ever recall. I didn't feel like temptation had a hold of me. I didn't care about my old self. I couldn't get full. I stepped out in certain ways, but not on my own; it was a meek boldness that came from belief and purpose and love and relationship.
Then I fell. Really, it was more of a trip at first; a stumble. Like if you were waving at someone, and not paying attention, and then tripped over a curb. Just a trip that humans repeatedly make. But that stumble, without any premeditation, led me away from my security, my accountability and my need, and it led to me falling. The fall of course was my choice, by that point. But instead of getting back up, dusting myself off, repenting and walking back up to solid ground, I just rolled on down to what felt like a muddy pit.
I turned and walked away from God, rather than towards Him. I saw Him as being disappointed in me. I didn't know that "His joy in me wasn't based on my shortcomings." What an immense blessing.
But it seems that whenever I "fall" or stumble, I tend to roll in it. Suffer. Be punished. And that only worsens my situation. My purpose becomes marred in my eyes.
I've been afflicted in this way for so many years. Years of guilt, self-induced shame, beating myself nearly to death for sin and transgressions I followed through with; some of which bled into the person I regretfully still am to an extent. I find myself wanting to sink below the surface; wanting to bury myself with my sin; wanting to lie in the wet, muddy mire that I landed in time and time again, after I climbed back up the landslide. The foundation I was climbing, and still climb, after falling from making bad decisions, was like the hill dividing the soccer field and the practice field in high school, when it rained. It would become completely saturated with water. Your cleat would sink several inches into the unsolid ground and partially stick when you moved forward. It required double the strength to pull your foot forward to climb up that hill, because your cleat would have rather become entangled with the heavy, dead grass and just sink in and become saturated as well. Causing you to fall back down the hill into the accumulation of water and mud at the hill's foot.
Why is it that I feel the need to punish myself? Because I know I've done something wrong. Maybe, sadly, it makes me feel better. Why is it seemingly so difficult to hate the behavior and actions that can torment us, and lead to us being an ugly person? The things that can own us?
I also tend to keep attempts at sanctification to myself - here and there. Fear of embarrassment; uncertainty of peers and loved ones' thoughts; no longer fitting into some of the circles I am ingratiated in and have been for the majority of my life; fear of failure; fear of becoming a hypocrite. I can hardly type that word. It's haunting, accusatory tone can do great detriment to my mind and soul and in turn my everything.
I'm constantly, mostly subconsciously, wondering what people think about me. Someone who can be one way, and then another. I don't like people like that, yet I am like that. It's hard to truly believe that it doesn't matter what people think. It's hard to believe that when you have life-long friends that have known you so long.
So many thoughts. This turned out to be more of a confession of sorts; an airing of laundry; maybe a crying out for accountability.
I think I'll attempt to be as porous as possible, with hopes that every word of each medium I'm seeking out, and reading, and listening to, will saturate me and begin to fill me. I'm sure I'll be pecking away with another regurgitation to help me digest, sooner than later.
But if you don't take time to process, and "unpack," and regurgitate and release, then how will you grow and take the next step, and build on what's reeling inside of you?
You won't. At least, I don't think you will. I know so little, it's hard to tell.
Thoughts that you've been graced and blessed with from someone who's made themself available and dedicated their life to being a tool to reach others. Thoughts that are in turn generated from that shared knowledge. Thoughts that you glean from a book, and post-analysis afterthoughts. Thoughts that you heard on Sunday from additional dedicated life lines.
Sorting through these thoughts isn't technically my problem. I'm a note taker, and that allows me to go back and study the thoughts and meditate on them and conduct further research and add to the initial information. It's implementing them. It's taking that knowledge and those thoughts and actually implementing them. And then making that stick.
It's like studying for finals, and then forgetting most of what you studied and learned, not too long after. That's where practicing what you've learned comes in (light bulb).
Also, on a seemingly unrelated topic, though tightly intertwined to me, why has it, in my personal experience, taken me so long to even begin to understand God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. What my relationship is intended to be with them. Why I was created. What Jesus dying on the cross really meant, and means each day. And, I still don't completely understand it. I'm starting to. I'm starting to get it. But I'm 28 years old.
I feel like my eyes are opening to new light, but it's taking several years for them to open completely for various reasons. Does that make sense? Probably not. I feel like I'm finally standing inside a circle, but my back is up against a wall of it, and I haven't taken any steps yet, but I'm taking in everything I can and trying to process it.
Situation. I recently, within the last year or so, experienced some very incredible things. I felt closer to God, in relationship and understanding and communication, than I can ever recall. I didn't feel like temptation had a hold of me. I didn't care about my old self. I couldn't get full. I stepped out in certain ways, but not on my own; it was a meek boldness that came from belief and purpose and love and relationship.
Then I fell. Really, it was more of a trip at first; a stumble. Like if you were waving at someone, and not paying attention, and then tripped over a curb. Just a trip that humans repeatedly make. But that stumble, without any premeditation, led me away from my security, my accountability and my need, and it led to me falling. The fall of course was my choice, by that point. But instead of getting back up, dusting myself off, repenting and walking back up to solid ground, I just rolled on down to what felt like a muddy pit.
I turned and walked away from God, rather than towards Him. I saw Him as being disappointed in me. I didn't know that "His joy in me wasn't based on my shortcomings." What an immense blessing.
But it seems that whenever I "fall" or stumble, I tend to roll in it. Suffer. Be punished. And that only worsens my situation. My purpose becomes marred in my eyes.
I've been afflicted in this way for so many years. Years of guilt, self-induced shame, beating myself nearly to death for sin and transgressions I followed through with; some of which bled into the person I regretfully still am to an extent. I find myself wanting to sink below the surface; wanting to bury myself with my sin; wanting to lie in the wet, muddy mire that I landed in time and time again, after I climbed back up the landslide. The foundation I was climbing, and still climb, after falling from making bad decisions, was like the hill dividing the soccer field and the practice field in high school, when it rained. It would become completely saturated with water. Your cleat would sink several inches into the unsolid ground and partially stick when you moved forward. It required double the strength to pull your foot forward to climb up that hill, because your cleat would have rather become entangled with the heavy, dead grass and just sink in and become saturated as well. Causing you to fall back down the hill into the accumulation of water and mud at the hill's foot.
Why is it that I feel the need to punish myself? Because I know I've done something wrong. Maybe, sadly, it makes me feel better. Why is it seemingly so difficult to hate the behavior and actions that can torment us, and lead to us being an ugly person? The things that can own us?
I also tend to keep attempts at sanctification to myself - here and there. Fear of embarrassment; uncertainty of peers and loved ones' thoughts; no longer fitting into some of the circles I am ingratiated in and have been for the majority of my life; fear of failure; fear of becoming a hypocrite. I can hardly type that word. It's haunting, accusatory tone can do great detriment to my mind and soul and in turn my everything.
I'm constantly, mostly subconsciously, wondering what people think about me. Someone who can be one way, and then another. I don't like people like that, yet I am like that. It's hard to truly believe that it doesn't matter what people think. It's hard to believe that when you have life-long friends that have known you so long.
So many thoughts. This turned out to be more of a confession of sorts; an airing of laundry; maybe a crying out for accountability.
I think I'll attempt to be as porous as possible, with hopes that every word of each medium I'm seeking out, and reading, and listening to, will saturate me and begin to fill me. I'm sure I'll be pecking away with another regurgitation to help me digest, sooner than later.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Music
Intoxicating.
Walks you through a memory as if you were there. Even more sureal than a dream. Scents included.
Brings back every memory of a moment. The details. The leather seats of a car, the smell of the cloth hood, what was in the plastic caddy on the floor between the seats, the tape in the tape deck, the words being sung...the memory.
How can music make me remember every vidid, blessed detail, about everything?
Other things I may forget, or they may fade, but if music is involved it's vividly sketched onto and into my heart and mind and soul, and forever.
Why is that? (This is retorical, don't want an answer, b/c I love it the way it is).
It can bring tears; the warmth of an everlasting fire; a car ride; a personality; a loved one lost; it can make you hold the hand of someone without them actually being there; it can bring cold, cold shivers; it can bring tears of guilt, tears of joy, tears of saddness; it can be your best friend when no one is around; God can speak through music.
Music is a love.
Each song a new espisode, if you're on shuffle; a new friend brought to mind, a brother and his whereabouts laid upon you; someone you need to visit; someone you need to share with; someone you need to be honest with; someone you need to laugh with; someone who needs to laugh with you; someone who needs to get to know you again and vice versa. Don't we always need to get-to-know each other again and often?
I do.
Love your music. Play your music. Get new music often.
jag
Walks you through a memory as if you were there. Even more sureal than a dream. Scents included.
Brings back every memory of a moment. The details. The leather seats of a car, the smell of the cloth hood, what was in the plastic caddy on the floor between the seats, the tape in the tape deck, the words being sung...the memory.
How can music make me remember every vidid, blessed detail, about everything?
Other things I may forget, or they may fade, but if music is involved it's vividly sketched onto and into my heart and mind and soul, and forever.
Why is that? (This is retorical, don't want an answer, b/c I love it the way it is).
It can bring tears; the warmth of an everlasting fire; a car ride; a personality; a loved one lost; it can make you hold the hand of someone without them actually being there; it can bring cold, cold shivers; it can bring tears of guilt, tears of joy, tears of saddness; it can be your best friend when no one is around; God can speak through music.
Music is a love.
Each song a new espisode, if you're on shuffle; a new friend brought to mind, a brother and his whereabouts laid upon you; someone you need to visit; someone you need to share with; someone you need to be honest with; someone you need to laugh with; someone who needs to laugh with you; someone who needs to get to know you again and vice versa. Don't we always need to get-to-know each other again and often?
I do.
Love your music. Play your music. Get new music often.
jag
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Have Yourself a Simple Little Christmas
This spurred from my previous post about the origins and WHYs of Christmas.
We should all try to simplify our Christmas this year to focus on the real meaning. The current state of the economy, may aid your willingness to do so this year, but that's okay.
I vividly remember sitting in an old computer chair at our desk in our rent house several years ago, just balling. Bleary-eyed, I stared at my checking and savings account balances on our computer screen, as my tears slid down my face and danced on my Christmas list of things I wanted to buy for everyone. I couldn't do it. Not even with what I had in savings. There was no way I could afford our bills, and all of Christmas. I was devastated.
A wise man, not a magi from the east, but a very wise man walked into the room. I turned my head and to the side, so as to hide my tears from him.
Wise man: What are doing?
Cryer: Nothing (sniffling).
Wise man: What? Are you crying? What's wrong with you?
Cryer: (I burst into tears as I responded). I'm balancing my account and looking at my savings, and I can't afford Christmas! Hardly anything.
Wise man: What?!?! (I'm smiling for those of you who know this wise man, b/c you'll be able to hear his tone in this). Are you serious? You're seriously crying because you can't buy people a bunch of presents?
Cryer: Yes! You don't understand!!! I LIKE doing this. I LIKE buying things for people. It's what I do. It's not about spending money, it's about buying them a gift that they'll really like.
Wise man: Ashley, that is not what Christmas is about. And it's really sad that you're this upset over it.
Well, for those who know me, you know that at that very moment, those wise words didn't quite penetrate. But he was right. I always spent a lot of time thinking about what I would get each person on my list, and we have a big family. I wanted to get something they had mentioned, or something I knew they would really like and that I had put a lot of thought into. To me, that's what, it's the thought that counts, meant. And a lot of times, I would struggle and struggle with what to get them. It never occurred to me, that maybe that meant they didn't really NEED anything.
Well, I haven't changed in the respect that I still LOVE to give to people. It's so much fun! You think of a gift they will love, or find something perfect! And then there's the anticipation of it sitting, all pretty and wrapped, under the tree until time to open gifts. And they open it, and it's so wonderful, and you're so thoughtful and everyone is happy. BUT. With all of that thinking, fretting, shopping, spending, rushing, worrying, thinking, thinking...it's easy to lose sight of what we should be focusing on.
The real meaning of Christmas. The birth of Jesus; spending time with family; and yes, giving, but it can be much more simplified, and much more meaningful.
Here are some ways to simplify the giving, so you can focus on the meaning.
We should all try to simplify our Christmas this year to focus on the real meaning. The current state of the economy, may aid your willingness to do so this year, but that's okay.
I vividly remember sitting in an old computer chair at our desk in our rent house several years ago, just balling. Bleary-eyed, I stared at my checking and savings account balances on our computer screen, as my tears slid down my face and danced on my Christmas list of things I wanted to buy for everyone. I couldn't do it. Not even with what I had in savings. There was no way I could afford our bills, and all of Christmas. I was devastated.
A wise man, not a magi from the east, but a very wise man walked into the room. I turned my head and to the side, so as to hide my tears from him.
Wise man: What are doing?
Cryer: Nothing (sniffling).
Wise man: What? Are you crying? What's wrong with you?
Cryer: (I burst into tears as I responded). I'm balancing my account and looking at my savings, and I can't afford Christmas! Hardly anything.
Wise man: What?!?! (I'm smiling for those of you who know this wise man, b/c you'll be able to hear his tone in this). Are you serious? You're seriously crying because you can't buy people a bunch of presents?
Cryer: Yes! You don't understand!!! I LIKE doing this. I LIKE buying things for people. It's what I do. It's not about spending money, it's about buying them a gift that they'll really like.
Wise man: Ashley, that is not what Christmas is about. And it's really sad that you're this upset over it.
Well, for those who know me, you know that at that very moment, those wise words didn't quite penetrate. But he was right. I always spent a lot of time thinking about what I would get each person on my list, and we have a big family. I wanted to get something they had mentioned, or something I knew they would really like and that I had put a lot of thought into. To me, that's what, it's the thought that counts, meant. And a lot of times, I would struggle and struggle with what to get them. It never occurred to me, that maybe that meant they didn't really NEED anything.
Well, I haven't changed in the respect that I still LOVE to give to people. It's so much fun! You think of a gift they will love, or find something perfect! And then there's the anticipation of it sitting, all pretty and wrapped, under the tree until time to open gifts. And they open it, and it's so wonderful, and you're so thoughtful and everyone is happy. BUT. With all of that thinking, fretting, shopping, spending, rushing, worrying, thinking, thinking...it's easy to lose sight of what we should be focusing on.
The real meaning of Christmas. The birth of Jesus; spending time with family; and yes, giving, but it can be much more simplified, and much more meaningful.
Here are some ways to simplify the giving, so you can focus on the meaning.
- Adopt-a-family for Christmas - We're making this a new family tradition, between all of our local families. Buckner Family Services in Longview, can help you adopt-a-family in need. Visit www.kvne.com for details.
- Adopt an Angle Tree child
- Give these gifts in someone's name or honor, as your gift to them as well.
- Make a gift - I was never fond of this idea. But that's because my thoughts were so limited (they still are). Unless it's something in the electronics department, most gifts can be made.
Ideas of Gifts to Make
- a blanket - sounds hard, right? I thought so too, until a good friend made me one for Christmas. It is now my favorite and warmest blanket! Buy two pieces of fleece from a fabric store or Wal-Mart. Cut inch wide slits all around the edges of both pieces and tie them together.
- Personalize pottery; paint an inexpensive bowl, cookie jar, any glass or plastic container. The possibilities are endless.
- A recipe book
- Plant a tree in someone's name
- Frozen food (my new favorite idea) - if you know someone's favorite, make it for them and freeze it for them. Or of course sweet treats!
- There are tons of ideas on the world wide web.
Also, in having a simple Christmas, think back to your favorite memories of Christmas. They most likely will not revolve around material things, but a simple tradition. Find ways to to create similar rituals and moments like those.
You don't have to sacrifice your favorite traditions or things to do. Simply scale them down; increase the meaning of your time. I truly hope you'll have yourself a merry, warm, and simple little Christmas.
Christmas: When, Who, What, WHY?
It seems prior to each holiday this year, I begin to ponder what it is I will tell my children about that particular holiday or celebration. How am I going to explain the purpose, why it started, where it originated, what we do to celebrate it, and on and on.
It usually goes something like this (in my head):
Let's see....Halloween's coming soon. Gotta ask Dylan what she wants to be. Lane will be a cowboy this year, already got the costume. I think I'll wait until the week of, so she'll have less time to change her mind. Okay, so I'll say, Dylan Halloween is coming this weekend, what do you want to be? That doesn't make sense. Does she even know what Halloween is? Wait....do I know what Halloween is? Carve a pumpkin, make a costume, wear a costume, get a candy bag, go door-to-door and ask strangers for candy, eat the candy, hand out candy to strangers kids....ugh. I better visit Wiki and see what the origins are so I can at least tell her why we do all of these things.
Note: I am not ignoring Lane. While he does hear what I'm saying, he doesn't have a lot of questions just yet.
So, in all actuality, I guess I have the questions too. I have issues with telling my kids, we're going to do this, and not know why. Does that make sense? I don't have issue with saying, "becuase I said so," or "just because," in everyday conversations with them, but I want to know why I'm forcing them to don costumes and go door-to-door on Halloween; why we do pink and red hearts on the fourteenth of February; why we wear green on St. Patrick's Day and pinch others who don't; why we eat turkey and way too many other things on Thanksgiving.
This year, my Life Group teacher did a really great lesson before Thanksgiving about the origin of the holiday. Come to find out, those who started the "feast" had only seven kernels of corn as their ration for the day. Hmmmm......
First, I have to say that I think myself to be extremely philo-traditions. Philantraditionist? Anyway. I love them. I keep them. I become very unstable if they're broken, and it takes time for me to accept changing tradition. It wasn't until I had children, that I began to investigate some of them. I never really wondered, or cared to do the research, to find out all of the "why's" behind each of the holidays we all enjoy. I loved them too much. Didn't really care WHY we all got together to eat turkey, ham, deviled eggs, dressing, three salads, eight casseroles, mashed potatoes, four pies, and then leftovers each year. It meant my entire family being together for several days and that was wonderful and happy.
Christmas - same thing. I loved, and still do love, everything about it. I love fall. Love fires. Love bustling. Love Christmas lights. Love going and cutting down a Christmas tree and decorating it. Love presents under them. Love buying presents for others. Love Carols and Candles at my church. Love all of the Christmas stories. Love it. It's ingrained in my head, my heart, my who-I-am. Oh and now, for the last six years or so, I....yes, I love Christmas music. I even have a few CDs.
Now, I have children. My daughter, now 3 1/2 is really beginning to understand Christmas. So thus it begins. She will now begin to remember things we do during this holiday season. Traditions are beginning, or beginning to be remembered. It has now become extremely important to me to determine what it is exactly we will teach our children about Christmas. In fact, it's consumed much of my thoughts these last few weeks.
I think it began like this (in my head, as usual):
(To myself is blue. Outloud is red.)
Okay, let's see, Christmas is coming.
Dylan, Christmas is about to be here. Do you know what that means?
Wait what does that mean?
Ummm....that means that Santa is coming.
That's not right. Well, it is, but that's not why.
We celebrate Christmas because that's when baby Jesus was born, and we're celebrating His birth.
And so Santa comes too? And brings presents to us for baby Jesus?
Yep, Christmas, mommy's favorite time of year.
I've gotta figure this out. This is too messy. Little bit of secular, little bit of religion. Not liking that.
And thus my research began. I'm not an idiot. For the record. And my parents instilled some very meaningful traditions in our lives, and taught us the real meaning of Christmas. I was taught that Christmas is commemorated to honor and celebrate the birth of Christ. Gifts are given, as the wisemen gave Jesus gifts, and we each received three gifts from Santa. We ate pancakes on Christmas morning and sang Happy Birthday to Jesus. My Dad read us two books each Christmas Eve, which told the real story of Christmas and Jesus' birth.
But it was really bothering me. Real story of Christmas and Jesus' birth. Why is it called Christmas then? When did this celebration/tradition begin? Does it talk about Christmas in the Bible? Does God say to celebrate Jesus' birth in the Bible, and if so, how?
Who. started. Christmas?
I wanted to know, if we told our children that we celebrate Christmas to celebrate Jesus' birth, if that was true. Did God leave instruction for us to celebrate Christmas? And what about all of the things that go with it? Tree, food, gifts, lights, carols?
Maybe I'm a little behind the times, or my generation. Maybe you've already thought through all of this. But for me, it took the very scary, yet exciting thought, that we have a huge role in defining what our children believe, until they're of age to decide for themselves. Whoa.
So. Here is some of the research I found. I found it online, so NONE of it can be taken for truth. Except for the information I found in the Bible. I take that to be truth. Everyone interprets, or is given, different interpretations of what it says. So you have to read it for yourself and then glean what you will, or are blessed with. I just want to share what I found. Also, I've gone back and inserted in red, some of the answers, or information my pastor so graciously sent me. I believe this to be truth as well.
CHRISTMAS RESEARCH
It usually goes something like this (in my head):
Let's see....Halloween's coming soon. Gotta ask Dylan what she wants to be. Lane will be a cowboy this year, already got the costume. I think I'll wait until the week of, so she'll have less time to change her mind. Okay, so I'll say, Dylan Halloween is coming this weekend, what do you want to be? That doesn't make sense. Does she even know what Halloween is? Wait....do I know what Halloween is? Carve a pumpkin, make a costume, wear a costume, get a candy bag, go door-to-door and ask strangers for candy, eat the candy, hand out candy to strangers kids....ugh. I better visit Wiki and see what the origins are so I can at least tell her why we do all of these things.
Note: I am not ignoring Lane. While he does hear what I'm saying, he doesn't have a lot of questions just yet.
So, in all actuality, I guess I have the questions too. I have issues with telling my kids, we're going to do this, and not know why. Does that make sense? I don't have issue with saying, "becuase I said so," or "just because," in everyday conversations with them, but I want to know why I'm forcing them to don costumes and go door-to-door on Halloween; why we do pink and red hearts on the fourteenth of February; why we wear green on St. Patrick's Day and pinch others who don't; why we eat turkey and way too many other things on Thanksgiving.
This year, my Life Group teacher did a really great lesson before Thanksgiving about the origin of the holiday. Come to find out, those who started the "feast" had only seven kernels of corn as their ration for the day. Hmmmm......
First, I have to say that I think myself to be extremely philo-traditions. Philantraditionist? Anyway. I love them. I keep them. I become very unstable if they're broken, and it takes time for me to accept changing tradition. It wasn't until I had children, that I began to investigate some of them. I never really wondered, or cared to do the research, to find out all of the "why's" behind each of the holidays we all enjoy. I loved them too much. Didn't really care WHY we all got together to eat turkey, ham, deviled eggs, dressing, three salads, eight casseroles, mashed potatoes, four pies, and then leftovers each year. It meant my entire family being together for several days and that was wonderful and happy.
Christmas - same thing. I loved, and still do love, everything about it. I love fall. Love fires. Love bustling. Love Christmas lights. Love going and cutting down a Christmas tree and decorating it. Love presents under them. Love buying presents for others. Love Carols and Candles at my church. Love all of the Christmas stories. Love it. It's ingrained in my head, my heart, my who-I-am. Oh and now, for the last six years or so, I....yes, I love Christmas music. I even have a few CDs.
Now, I have children. My daughter, now 3 1/2 is really beginning to understand Christmas. So thus it begins. She will now begin to remember things we do during this holiday season. Traditions are beginning, or beginning to be remembered. It has now become extremely important to me to determine what it is exactly we will teach our children about Christmas. In fact, it's consumed much of my thoughts these last few weeks.
I think it began like this (in my head, as usual):
(To myself is blue. Outloud is red.)
Okay, let's see, Christmas is coming.
Dylan, Christmas is about to be here. Do you know what that means?
Wait what does that mean?
Ummm....that means that Santa is coming.
That's not right. Well, it is, but that's not why.
We celebrate Christmas because that's when baby Jesus was born, and we're celebrating His birth.
And so Santa comes too? And brings presents to us for baby Jesus?
Yep, Christmas, mommy's favorite time of year.
I've gotta figure this out. This is too messy. Little bit of secular, little bit of religion. Not liking that.
And thus my research began. I'm not an idiot. For the record. And my parents instilled some very meaningful traditions in our lives, and taught us the real meaning of Christmas. I was taught that Christmas is commemorated to honor and celebrate the birth of Christ. Gifts are given, as the wisemen gave Jesus gifts, and we each received three gifts from Santa. We ate pancakes on Christmas morning and sang Happy Birthday to Jesus. My Dad read us two books each Christmas Eve, which told the real story of Christmas and Jesus' birth.
But it was really bothering me. Real story of Christmas and Jesus' birth. Why is it called Christmas then? When did this celebration/tradition begin? Does it talk about Christmas in the Bible? Does God say to celebrate Jesus' birth in the Bible, and if so, how?
Who. started. Christmas?
I wanted to know, if we told our children that we celebrate Christmas to celebrate Jesus' birth, if that was true. Did God leave instruction for us to celebrate Christmas? And what about all of the things that go with it? Tree, food, gifts, lights, carols?
Maybe I'm a little behind the times, or my generation. Maybe you've already thought through all of this. But for me, it took the very scary, yet exciting thought, that we have a huge role in defining what our children believe, until they're of age to decide for themselves. Whoa.
So. Here is some of the research I found. I found it online, so NONE of it can be taken for truth. Except for the information I found in the Bible. I take that to be truth. Everyone interprets, or is given, different interpretations of what it says. So you have to read it for yourself and then glean what you will, or are blessed with. I just want to share what I found. Also, I've gone back and inserted in red, some of the answers, or information my pastor so graciously sent me. I believe this to be truth as well.
CHRISTMAS RESEARCH
- There is no celebration of Jesus' birth referenced in the Bible, (only His death) This is true as far as celebrations like a holiday, a huge feast, decorating a tree, decorating your house with lights, red and green, goes. However, they did celebrate (as in the verb tense). And they (the Magi) did bring gifts.
- No one knows the actual day/month/year Jesus was born
- Christmas is celebrated on the 25th due to several assumptions - that He was conceived on March 25, and it was thought that prophets died on the same day they were conceived; and that if Jesus was conceived on March 25 that would be exactly 9 months later
- One source said that Christmas was created as a combination of several pagan feasts (Saturnalia, Brumalia, and the Birth of the Unconquered Sun/Persian sun god). When Christianity became the official religion of the Roman Empire, the bishops thought they'd never be able to get the enormous number of pagan "converts" to give up observing these festivals so they "Christianized" them and made it to celebrate Jesus' birth.
- MOST INTERESTING THING I FOUND/LEARNED - that Paul, in Galatians, expresses concern about celebrating certain days/months/years; the research I found said he was most likely referencing the pagan festivals and the possible bondage people could find themselves in, when celebrating or commemorating these. It said that Paul didn't say they were wrong but he was concerned with WHY they were celebrating these days/festivals. Paul said that observances should be kept on an individual basis; should not be bound on others.
- I also read that we must be careful not to displace keeping God's commandments with upholding human traditions. Mark 7:9 - "You are experts at setting aside the commandments of God in order to keep your traditions."
My Pastor's Thoughts in reference to my questions/research
On celebrating - Luke Chapter 2 verses 7-20 seem to point to Christmas as a time of celebration. An angel of the Lord announced to the shepherds and to the world that a savior was born. It was definitely a time of celebration as the angels sang, “Glory to God in the highest and peace on earth and good will to men.” (Luke 2:14) We should celebrate the birth of the one who died for our sins.
On gifts - We get the biblical understanding of gift-giving from the magi (known as wise men) from Matthew 2:11 where they brought gifts to the savior and each gift of gold, frankincense, and myrrh, have a special meaning for the savior. Also, Matthew 2:1-12.
On the date -Historians have speculated on the exact date of Jesus' birth and concluded that it is more than likely at another time of year than December 25th. However, we know Jesus was born and whenever that exact date was, we celebrate the event of God coming into this world as a man to go to the cross for our sins. What an event to celebrate.
On the origin - There are different opinions on how Christmas got started and I am sure some pagans and others (modern-day people) have abused and misused this holiday for the wrong purposes.
Conclusions, Sort of
So, if "Christmas" isn't in the Bible, then wouldn't that alone mean that God never intended for us to create a holiday like we have, or wouldn't He have included that in His book to us?
It's so hard to decipher and to decide what to teach our children. I love Christmas, but want to stay true to the real reason we're celebrating; and I want my children to enjoy Christmas and Santa, but still know the real reason it all started. I don't want to become too tightly wrapped up in the whirl and blur of events and shopping and spending and giving for the wrong reasons, and pleasing, that I lose sight of what's at the core of this snow blizzard.
I believe that as long as we teach them to always be thankful to God for everything; to be thankful for the gift of Christ's birth; the gift that Christ gave us by dying on the Cross; to have giving hearts and give to those in need; or give to others as long as the objective is to express love and kindness and not to receive in return or because you it's something you're supposed to do, then those are things God would want us to teach them.
And as far as the "trimming" traditions go, I guess we just have to be careful not to let any idolatry occur with the tree, food, gifts, and the holiday itself. We can't allow that to become the focus, or all of them equally to be the focus.
I really like what Paul said or inferred. That we should focus on the WHY.
Peace and love.
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