You Are Just a Vapor; The Next Chapter

Nearly three years ago a very good friend of mine sat across from me and said, "From now on, your most imporant job is to be a mother." Nothing matters more, nothing is more imporant. As I hapharzardly replied, "Yeah, I know," as if hearing just another two cents of advice, my dear friend, uncrossed her legs and leaned forward and said, "No. I'm serious, your most, important job now is to be a mother." The words were as heavy as stone, and a glimmer of the past from which they came, poured through her eyes. The weight with which those words were said, the definitivness and seriousness that was shown in every muscle of her entire body - etched those words onto my heart. But lightly at present.

The blade on my exacto knife is habitually dull. Unless the material I'm cutting is paper-thin, I've come accustomed to making my first cut, which is merely an outline, in preparation to make the deeper, more permanent cut. Depending on the material, I may have to dig the blade into it to cut all the way through.

Her words that day, made the first etching and outline on my heart, and over the past three years the letters composing each word have been dug deeper and deeper.

There are many known, and some unknown, reasons as to why it took so long for me to surrender to something I could no longer ignore. I suppose it takes time to stop making decisions based on what's in YOUR own best interest, and start making decisions and DOing things with others best interest at heart, as well as your own.

Last Monday, after over six months of deliberating, figuring, calculating, speculating, researching, praying, deciding and then changing my mind, praying, asking, seeking, even becoming physically nauseous with all of the thought processes. I turned in my two week notice at my current job.

If you've never left a job where there was nothing wrong, it is the most twisting, almost haunting feeling. Once you've rattled off your reasons why and you're feel confident in your decision, the haunting thought enters your mind - Just to get this straight - you're leaving a job you excel at, a good job for you, flexible, good pay, good benefits, all good. Right? Deep breath. Yes.

Tomorrow will be my "official" last day, although I will be doing some work throughout the next month, and possibly longer.

Next Monday, I begin a new chapter of my life, which means a new chapter for everyone who's close to me, especially my children and my husband.

Next Monday I will begin working for my family's business three days a week (Wholesale Sale Supply). I will be doing adverting/marketing, but I'll also be assisting the head hauncho/office manager/accountant - my grandmother. My grandmother is in her '80s and she still works there every day, and does all of the company's accounting BY HAND, no computers, and has since my grandfather started the business. I will be helping her enjoy life (hopefully) by not having to be there every day, and ease some of her anxieties. I'll be assisting my dad with the marketing/advertising/new opportunities.

And on Tuesdays and Thursdays I will be (drum roll please) keeping Dylan and Lane at home with me! That feels so good to say! I have been so burdened for the past year to be home with them, but for novel-length reasons (meaning you're getting the nutshell version) I haven't done anything about it.

I am SO VERY blessed that I even have the opportunity to do this. I'm blessed that my family would offer me this opportunity and be willing to add the expense of another employee. I'm blessed that Philip is supporting me in this, and has all along the way, 100%. Although he still doesn't understand why it took 6 months. I'm blessed with my current/former employer for being so understanding amongst other things. I'm just a very blessed person at this time in my life. I have a huge support group of God, family and friends who have re-assured me along the way, and that is irreplaceable.

If you've spent much time with me lately, or this may be in my Busy post, can't remember, too tired....you might have heard this already, but time is all we have. "You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away." (James 4:14) We get this tiny little square of life and that's it. So, while the safest, and to some smartest, and to others most logical thing to do, would have been to stay put. While I found myself at times thinking, Dylan's going to be in Kindergarten soon and won't need me much then, what's going to happen when they're in school and don't need me, where will I be? I thought, that's the thing. We don't know where, we don't even know if, we'll be.

So, next Monday it is!!! I'll keep you "posted."